Earlier this year I joined social media platform TikTok, added a couple of silly videos and didn’t really think much more of it, until lockdown happened and suddenly the world and his wife ended up on the app. TikTok was primarily a young people’s app. It definitely wasn’t somewhere I would have imagined going onto regularly, but the current situation has meant there are actually a huge amount of people just like me on there, and I have started to really love creating content on a different platform.
Generally speaking, all comments I have received have been positive and complimentary. I can’t really dance and I am not very ‘funny’, so I have been focusing on lip-syncing along to some of my favourite songs, as this is something I have been able to master lately. I have also decided to wear some of my many ‘going out’ outfits when filming some of my videos, mainly as it gives me an excuse to get dressed up during lockdown. Putting makeup on and getting into a little black dress makes me feel good and reminds me that one day this will be over and we can go out in the world again.
As I have uploaded more videos and my following has grown, my confidence has grown with it, and I have been posting videos in outfits showing off my long legs, a part of my body I am actually really pleased with. This has led to some less favourable comments. One of these accused me of ‘loving myself’. Now, don’t get me wrong, it did initially sting, that somebody took the time out of their own lives to write something negative about me, but then I thought about it and realised that loving myself isn’t actually an insult, not to me anyway.
Yes, I do love myself. I am feeling confident for the first time in a long time, and when I watch these videos back I can look at them and smile, knowing that my issues with self-esteem are almost entirely behind me now. I haven’t always loved myself, it has taken a very long time to get to this point, including counselling and CBT sessions, focused on rebuilding the confidence that situations in my past has taken from me.
So now I do love myself, I do smile when I see myself in the mirror, and feel good about myself when I shimmy around in a dress that makes me feel attractive. That isn’t a crime, and it isn’t something to be ashamed of. Yes, I am over thirty, and yes, I have children, but I have never agreed with letting age or the fact that I am a mother define me. I am still a woman.
So, if the only insult somebody can think of about me and the content I am creating is that I love myself, I think that is absolutely fine. After all, they obviously have issues with their own confidence if this is how they are spending their time on the internet, trying to drag somebody else down.