My CBT Journey – Sessions 1-3 

I’ve mentioned in passing my anxiety diagnosis, but I’ve not focused too much on it until now – not because I was ashamed, but because I didn’t really understand very much about it. I didn’t really know much about my own illness, so I didn’t feel I was able to go into any real detail about it here.

Since I was diagnosed, I’ve come across so many people who have had or still have anxiety, and it’s so brilliant that people are able to talk more openly about it. I wanted to talk about my anxiety and my journey through CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) to keep the conversation going, and encourage others to talk openly and honestly about their mental health.

Anxiety is nothing to be ashamed about, it’s more common than you probably think. I definitely feel more in control of how I feel since starting therapy, and I wanted to discuss my sessions in case anyone else was considering it.

After my diagnosis, I self referred myself, on my Doctor’s recommendation, to Steps 2 Wellbeing – the NHS mental health service. After an initial telephone appointment, where it was confirmed I was suffering with quite severe symptoms of anxiety, I was initially put on a waiting list for group CBT therapy.

I wasn’t sure about going to therapy in a group, and I finally rang up and explained I wasn’t keen on the idea and would rather go for the one to one therapy option. I had been told there was a much longer waiting list for this, but in fact I was soon offered an appointment (this was still around 3 months after my initial telephone appointment).
I officially started my CBT at the end of August, just before we flew out to Santorini to get married. I then had my second session a few weeks later and I had my third appointment last Thursday.

The first session was very much about getting to know each other. My therapist is so lovely, she’s really friendly, open and approachable and she doesn’t skirt around issues, which I think really helps me.

I opened up a lot on the first session, and I did treat it a little more like counselling, which I’ve done before. My therapist was very kind about it, but explained that CBT was different to counselling in the fact that it was more about being proactive and finding ways to tackle the problems head on, by myself, rather than a counsellor sitting and listening and coaxing you to speak more.

The second session was the most useful for me so far. It was much more hands on, with us completing a worksheet together on the anxiety vicious cycle, whereby anxious thoughts lead to anxious reactions, which lead to coping behaviours and then, when nothing changes, the anxious thoughts start again.

I found this way of looking at it so interesting, and it really helped me to gain an understanding of my anxiety. Some of the anxious thoughts I have seemed pretty ridiculous once I’d written them down, and it’s made me determined to gain some control back over my thoughts and behaviour.

My coping mechanisms involve hiding away from things, including my friends and family. I hate confrontation and I’d rather let the problem get worse, whilst hiding from it, than tackling it head on, which very recently nearly lost me a good friendship. I also tend to project my anxiety into anger and onto others, mostly my mum and Ed, although I also get incredibly bad road rage, and get angry over the smallest thing, if I start to feel out of control.

CBT is really helping me to understand the things that trigger my anxiety, and I am feeling a lot more positive about getting over this illness now.

The third session was a little bit of an odd one, as I was going to an interview straight afterwards and a little nervous about that. I don’t feel I gave my full attention to the session, which was evident as I didn’t get as much out of it. For CBT to be successful, you need to put the effort in, I find.

I did also end up breaking down a little in the session too as Thursdays are my worst days (it’s the day I say goodbye to my daughter until Saturday evening) and I felt everything had gotten on top of me a bit that afternoon. Crying isn’t nice, but it did help me feel a bit better afterwards to get some pent up emotions out, and I knew I was in a safe place.

I have some homework to do this week, which involves writing down each time I have a worry, and thinking about what triggered it, what the worry was about and the thought behind it. I then have to distinguish if it is a valid or hypothetical worry.

I am awful at doing homework, but I really want to try hard with this, as I want to get better and this is a step in the right direction. I have 12 CBT sessions in total on the NHS, so I’ll be writing about the remaining sessions in blocks of three over the next couple of months.

If you are suffering from anxiety, or considering CBT and have any questions, feel free to get in touch. I’m happy to answer any questions you might have.

You can also read about sessions 4-6 & 7-10

More about Emma

21 thoughts on “My CBT Journey – Sessions 1-3 

  1. blacktulipbeauty

    I had CBT a couple of years back for anxiety and have just started going for sessions again, I think it’s a lot less scary and more helpful than people realise. Even if it takes a while to show some improvement it’s definitely worth doing and super important to try and tackle your mental health problems head on. Good luck with your sessions, it sounds like they’re benefiting you already!
    Alice Xx


    1. evenangelsfall89

      Definitely worth it. Thank you 😊


  2. Gemma

    I have suffered with anxiety for years and it wasn’t until the last couple of years I realised what it actually was! I just thought I was a stupidly nervous and shy person but anxiety is a really horrible illness x


    1. evenangelsfall89

      It really is horrible. I think I have had it longer but like you say, you just feel it’s a part of your personality really x


  3. ofbeautyand

    I do suffer with anxiety, even at just random times when theres no reason for it but I’m too nervous to go to my doctor about it x


    1. evenangelsfall89

      Try and see the doctor or just self refer as it really isn’t anything to be ashamed of and might help x


  4. charlotteannelane103

    I had CBT sessions and they really do help you see things from a different perspective. I hope these sessions help you out and I’m sure they will 🙂 xo

    Char |


  5. ellieedx

    I really enjoyed reading this post as I find mental health so interesting and I think it’s so important for people to talk about it and share their experiences. It sounds like your CBT sessions are really good and I think they’ll continue to help! Well done for referring yourself it was definitely the right move! I hope you manage to tackle some of the things triggering your anxiety and good luck for your next session!

    Ellie x


  6. Kate Ballamy

    I went to CBT for half a year when i was a teen. It helped me SO much, I hope you start to get the help you need xx


  7. Emma Drury

    I’ve suffered from anxiety for ages and only went to counselling sessions for a year or so – I didn’t think they helped much so now I just sort of manage it myself (which is super hard and probably not the best idea for everyone, but it’s worked for me so far!) I really hope your CBT helps you and your anxiety becomes easier to manage too 💛
    Emma |


    1. evenangelsfall89

      Thank you. I hope yours becomes easier to manage as well x


  8. Taylor Jane

    This is the right step in the right direction for you, I really hope this helps you and it becomes a lot more easier to control. Your trying to make a change and that’s such a big thing to go out and do, I really really hope this makes a change <3

    Taylor Jane ox |


  9. Joyce

    Really proud of you, I don’t have anxiety but I know people who suffer from it xxx


  10. Emma Le Teace

    Really interesting post! I had CBT at 15, thanks for sharing 🙂


  11. My CBT Journey – Sessions 4-6  | evenangelsfall

    […] This post is part of a series on my CBT journey, read about sessions 1-3 in my first post.  […]


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.