A week ago, my eldest turned ten and this milestone birthday for him was also quite significant for me, as it marked a whole decade of me being a mum.
When I was younger, I never thought I would be a mum of three aged thirty one, it just wasn’t something I saw for myself, thinking I would get the career, find the love of my life and settle down into married life before starting a family.
It’s safe to say that life didn’t go to plan for me. I discovered I was pregnant with Cameron a few days after New Years in 2010. I was a student in my third year of a four year degree at university. I was single, having recently split with a long distance older boyfriend, and following a brief fling with a colleague at my Christmas temp job. It definitely wasn’t an ideal situation, and I was absolutely terrified of how my life was about to change.
Having said that, my life wasn’t exactly going in a good direction before I found out I was having a baby. I was treating myself and others horribly, I was insecure and heading down a destructive path. I wasn’t in a good place mentally and I was feeling fragile and scared when I did that life changing pregnancy test.
My mum was, and continues to be, my absolute rock. She picked me up, helped me to focus on what was going to happen and she was there for me every step of the way with the pregnancy. My mum was by my side when Cameron came into the world on 13th September 2010 in the early hours of the morning, following an induction which resulted in me being attached to a drip, unable to move much during delivery.
That moment, meeting my son for the first time, was a game changer for me. I was no longer the most important person, this tiny human being who relied on me was. I have always said that Cameron saved me from myself and I stand by that. From those first few minutes with him I knew that I was going to be a better person, that I would take care of myself more so that I could also take care of my baby.
My mum continued to support me in those first few months, she helped me through post natal depression, encouraged me to work hard in my final year of uni so that I was able to graduate along with the rest of my class the following autumn, and she helped me get my life back on track.
I went on to have Carly and Benjamin over the next six years, but having Cameron was the most significant point in my life, as he made me a mum.
Ten years on, a lot has changed in my life. I’ve been married twice, I’ve now got three children, and I’ve managed to find a job I love, alongside owning a business that I am passionate about. I am not the same person I was ten years ago, no longer the scared little girl holding a positive pregnancy test. I have more self confidence now, I am more sure of myself and I know who I am. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster to get here, but I wouldn’t change it for the world, because it’s given me three amazing children who call me mummy.
If I could say one thing to myself ten years ago, it would be to stop stressing out as everything happens for a reason and all those times it feels like life is going to break you, it is just making you into a stronger person, and the person you were meant to be.