Contributed Collaborative Post
Infidelity – more commonly referred to as ‘cheating’ – is one of the biggest breaches of trust a partner can make in a relationship. That said, it doesn’t always have to result in a breakup. If your partner is willing to change and you are willing to forgive, it is possible to maintain a strong relationship. This post delves into more detail as to how to overcome infidelity.
Should you stay together or break up?
For some people, infidelity of any kind – whether it be adultery or even sending flirtatious messages to someone – is unforgivable. If these are your strict personal morals, you should stick by them. Similarly, a break up may be necessary if this isn’t the first time a partner has cheated on you or if they’ve shown little remorse.
Of course, a relationship may still be worth preserving if they’ve otherwise proven to be the perfect partner and are deeply regretful for what they’ve done. It’s important that they prove their ability to be honest. If they voluntarily confessed to you about cheating, this is a good first sign. However, they need to be willing to answer any questions you have and agree to rules of openness so that you can trust them (such as agreeing to show you texts or sharing their live location with you).
Request some space
To help you decide whether or not to break up, it could be beneficial to distance yourself from your partner for a week or two. This can allow you to make a decision without pressure from your partner. You can ask them to temporarily move out or you can move out to give you this space. Your partner may still try to connect or even make grand gestures to win you back. While this can prove that they still love you, you need to make sure that any decision to stay together is not solely based on this – weigh up their past actions and decide whether they have been honest overall in the past.
Don’t try to seek revenge
Some people try to seek retribution through ‘revenge sex’. This often just makes things worse. The resentment and guilt then becomes two-sided, and there is an even greater amount of damage to repair. It is much better to take pride in your ability to be loyal and show your partner that this is the standard of trust you want to maintain in the relationship. Staying loyal also allows you to call the shots – if you cheat on them, they are entitled to equal demands.
Think carefully about who else you tell
While many of us want to consult friends and family after a partner cheats, this may not always be the best idea. It’s possible their influence may help you make the right decision, but some of them may also try to get involved and create extra conflict. If you choose to stay together, some friends and family may also hold grudges and deliberately make things uncomfortable for your partner. It is best to only talk to friends and family who you feel are open-minded and who will give advice but not interfere. Alternatively, talk to a therapist who can give you advice from a neutral perspective.
Know when to file a divorce
A divorce can be costly and disruptive, but may be necessary if you are married and decide there is no way you can stay together. You will not be able to marry again or claim individual access to your assets unless you divorce. Infidelity is one of the most basic grounds for divorce. Find a law firm that can help guide you through the divorce process. If your partner is also willing to divorce and you are on speaking terms, the process should be fairly easy. It could be more difficult if a partner is protesting against divorce or avoiding communication (a lawyer should still be able to help).
Conclusion
Infidelity can be overcome in a relationship if you take the right steps. It is important that you come to the decision yourself as to whether to stay together. Trust your gut and don’t let those around you pressure you.
This is a contributed collaborative post
