As with most things, I was late to the party when it came to watching Series Four of Stranger Things. I am always juggling around three shows at a time, and I wasn’t hugely into Series Three, but when I started seeing social media posts about the latest series, and Kate Bush’s epic Running Up That Hill began soaring up the charts, I knew I needed to set some time aside to watch it. I had been dodging spoilers for weeks by the time I got round to watching the episode that heavily features the song and, before I continue, I will say the obvious, this post will contain spoilers so, if you haven’t watched it yet, stop reading now!
The series had been leading up to the climatic scene towards the end of the fourth episode, but I wasn’t prepared for just how powerful I would find it. We’re talking whole body shaking, properly sobbing by the end powerful. This is why I think it hit me so hard: I saw the scene with Running Up That Hill, where Max is literally fighting a demon to get away and back to her life, to her friends, as a metaphor for mental illness, for fighting the demons in your mind. I make no secret of the fact that I have struggled a lot in the past with my mental health. I have had depression since I was twelve years old, and anxiety for the past six years, and there have been a lot of ups and downs in that time, including points where I wasn’t sure how much more I could take, how much more fight I had left in me.
At the point when Max experiences the flashbacks as the music plays, and she sees how loved she is by her friends, it made me think of the lowest points I have had in my life and how I have always managed to pull myself back out of the darkness with the love and support of those around me, who care about me. It also made me think of how hard it can be, when you are in that dark space, to remember and believe that your loved ones really do care about you and want you around. Seeing Max manage to get the inner strength needed to fight back and escape from the demon, to run away and dodge everything thrown at her, I couldn’t think of a better analogy for the battle you have as somebody suffering with mental health. Being able to see the situation from within that dark space, being able to overcome everything to make it back, that was just so powerful for me to watch.
I love music, and it has helped me through some tough times in the past. I have always been a big fan of eighties music and, although I prefer Wuthering Heights in general, I am a Kate Bush fan, so it was a double whammy when it came to that scene. I have watched that part again and it still had the same impact on me, which is unusual for me, as I think you can become desensitised. I think the only scene in a programme that has affected me as strongly in the past has been the suicide scene in 13 Reasons Why (before it got pulled). I had the same physical and emotional reaction then, and it drove me to write a blog post about my own experiences with mental illness then too.
Listening to the song now, when it comes on the radio, it definitely hits differently after watching the show. The first time it played the following morning, on the way to work, I got literal goosebumps all over my arms. It is definitely a song that I will play when I struggle with my mental health in the future, to remind me how strong I am, how much I have already overcome and can continue to when things are hard. I’m fortunate to be in a good place at the moment, I feel confident and self-aware, but I know that depression is much like a game of snakes and ladders, where you can fall back down at any given moment, no matter how well things seem to be going, so I would say that if you have somebody in your life who has struggled, or is struggling, whether they have opened up and explicitly said so or not, just be there for them, remind them how much you care, help make the good memories with them that they can flash back to when they are having their inner battle. It really does help, trust me.
