When I got married to Ed two years ago, it wasn’t my first marriage, and there were plenty of comments I heard since announcing our engagement, which did slightly taint my happiness and excitement for our wedding. It can be hard to know what to say to somebody who has been through a divorce, when they are about to be a bride for a second time, but if you aren’t sure, it’s probably best just to stick to congratulations..
Here are some things not to say to a second time bride.
Second Time Lucky
This is usually said with good intentions, but it’s not nice for those second time brides to be, who don’t particularly want to be reminded of all the bad experiences they had with marriage in the past. It also sounds like you are suggesting things could go wrong for a second time, which is not brilliant. This is a brand new marriage, with a brand new partner, so there is no need for luck.
Are You Sure This Time?
Oh yeah, ‘cos I knew first time round it was all wrong? Asking somebody who has just said yes to getting married whether they are sure is a real kick in the teeth. Of course entering into a marriage for a second time can be a little daunting, but having those close to you question whether you are doing the right thing is not helpful. By all means be there for them in case they need support, but don’t ask this, it hurts.
If You Have Second Thoughts, It’s Ok Not To Go Through with It
Again, this is most likely being said from the right place, but it is not what you want to hear when you are excited and planning your wedding. Believe me, after a failed marriage, you will know more than anyone that it is possible to stop a wedding if it isn’t right. You may have deep regrets about not doing this first time round, you may still be hurting from the end of your last marriage. Don’t say something like this.
You Don’t Need to Have a Big Wedding This Time
This is really offensive. Just because you have been married before, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a big wedding, or any wedding you and your partner want. Yes, she may have had a lavish wedding already, but that was with somebody else. A wedding to a new partner is a new start, a fresh chance at happiness. She should be able to have the wedding she wants, and not be made to feel she isn’t entitled to it. As somebody close to the bride, you should be supporting whatever decisions she is making, not putting a damper on things and reminding her of the last wedding.
You Best Not Wear White
Again, highly offensive, and very outdated too. What does it matter whether she wears white or not? How is it affecting anybody? If she wants to wear white, she should be able to without judgement. Saying something like this is not only unfair, it’s also really rude.
So, if you know somebody who has just announced they will be getting married for the second time, try and avoid saying any of these comments as they are not nice and not helpful, and will likely have you removed from the guest list faster than you can say Here comes the bride…