I’m a Victim of Sexual Abuse but I Don’t Have a Voice 

Towards the end of 2017, a number of high profile men in the show business industry were in the media due to allegations of sexual assault and harassment over a number of years.

These allegations led to sexual assault and abuse being talked about more openly, not just by those who had been affected by the high profile cases being splashed across newspapers and social media, but by everyday women like myself.

The hashtag #metoo started trending, being used to highlight just how many of us have been victimised in the past. The stigma that had once been attached to speaking out and finding your voice when it came to having been sexually abused appeared to have lifted, and this can only be a positive thing.

The problem is, for many of us who did speak out, whether at the time or years later, once we had found the strength to let somebody in on our secret, being brave enough to tell our tale simply wasn’t enough.

I have been sexually assaulted twice. Once was by a member of staff in a well known hotel chain in London, the other was abuse by a family member when I was in my early teens.

I found the courage to speak out about these things, on two separate occasions. I took the case to the police and I told them my story and I think the unfairest thing of all is that as I did go to the police, and because both of those cases were dropped, I am not even allowed to speak about them in any detail, for fear of myself being the one to get in trouble for it. How messed up is that?

Going to the police to tell them what happened to me was hard. It took courage, it took guts, it took a lot out of me to speak through what happened on those occasions and to recount it step by step, feeling ashamed simply uttering the words of what I had let happen to me.

To then have those who were meant to help me, to bring some justice, inform me that nothing would be done to these men, that the lack of substantial evidence meant they were free to carry on and potentially hurt somebody else, that hurts.

It feels like a kick to the stomach, and it feels so incredibly unfair, that no amount of hashtags on social media will help give those of us who weren’t given justice the closure we so desperately need.

This is obviously a painful subject to talk about, and one I wasn’t even sure belonged on the blog but ultimately I have been silenced enough. I will mention no names for fear of breaching the law, but I refuse to simply sit back and pretend these things didn’t happen to me as my abusers have.

To go through something like that, it changes you, it has an effect on you which you end up carrying through the rest of your life. Why should the actions of these men shape the way I live my life? How is it fair that their actions have affected me but not them?

I have no idea what I thought this post would achieve, other than releasing some of the emotions I hold on to so tightly. It is always my hope that by sharing my life with others, that I can help bring some hope to others, that even through the toughest times, you can make it through the other side, not unscathed, but perhaps stronger for the things you have been through.

I will probably never get the justice for what was done to me, but I hope that by speaking out, I can bring courage to others. I was a victim. Now I am a survivor.

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27 thoughts on “I’m a Victim of Sexual Abuse but I Don’t Have a Voice 

  1. Chloe

    This is such a brave thing to share. Thank you for sharing your story and experiences in order to help others. That’s a huge deal and you should be commended.

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Chloe xx

      Reply

  2. Joyce Lau

    Thankyou for sharing this. I am so proud of you. The courage that you had to go through…. sending loads of love!! 💕

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Joyce x

      Reply

  3. Emily Nellist / Babies and Beauty

    Oh Emma, I can’t even comprehend how awful that must have been, never mind the treatment from those who are supposed to help you. But, this will help others, I’m sure there are so many in similar situations and reading this will let them know that they’re not alone either – well done for sharing!

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Emily. I think I feel detached from it all now. It was just so horrible to relive it all and then for the case to be dropped x

      Reply

  4. Little Miss Mel

    Sorry you went through such an awful experience more than once.
    I think you’re really brave to speak so openly about it and I’m sure it will be a comfort to others who have always gone through such an ordeal.

    http://littlemissmelanie.com

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you, that’s my hope x

      Reply

  5. Heather

    This is such an incredibly brave thing to share! x

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you xx

      Reply

  6. Charlotte Lane

    I am so incredibly sorry for what you’ve been through, you don’t deserve it – no one deserves it! It’s extremely brave of you to share your story and help others xo

    Char | http://www.charslittleblog.co.uk

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Charlotte x

      Reply

  7. Hannah

    This is such a brave thing to share with the world! No words will ever make what happened better, but I am sorry you ever had to go through what you did.
    Hopefully by you taking the courageous step and putting out there what you went through then it could help someone else who is in need xx

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you, I hope so x

      Reply

  8. Lady Writes

    I am so sorry to hear this. It’s such an awful miscarriage of justice when please for help go unheard. x

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      It really is xx

      Reply

  9. Prettiful Blog

    It is so unfair that nothing happened, which is why so many people just don’t come forward. I hope writing this post and sharing it gives you a bit of peace. Just know that you are brave, you are strong and you are an inspiration!

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you, it has helped me to write it down x

      Reply

  10. Gemma

    Bravo to you for sharing your story lovely. You’re so brave. I can’t believe you’re not allowed to speak about it and they got away, what the hell is this world coming to?

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Gemma. It is very hard to take when you aren’t believed. The support I’ve had has been amazing though x

      Reply

  11. Robyn Evans

    Thank you for sharing your story and so much of yourself at the same time. It must have been difficult but you’re very strong and it shows x

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you xx

      Reply

  12. Thuraya Alhourani

    You definitely have a voice now! This is such a brave post to share ❤❤❤

    Reply

  13. Chloe

    Oh my goodness, Emma! You brave, brave lady! I am so grateful that you shared your story and I’m so sorry that justice wasn’t brought to those who hurt you but you are such an incredible lady for perservering and carrying on with your life. You are awesome <3 xx
    http://www.imjustagirl16.co.uk

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you Chloe 😊 x

      Reply

  14. shelley

    I’m really sorry you had to deal with that & I hope you know that people out here do believe you & support you even if the authorities didn’t!

    Reply

    1. emma_lou

      Thank you x

      Reply

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