There’s something about entering your thirties that gives you a renewed confidence in yourself. By no means do I claim to have my shit together, or to know entirely what I want from my life still at this point, but I definitely feel like I am more self aware in my thirties than I was when I was in my twenties and it is freeing to understand myself a bit better now. My life has had its ups and downs, and a lot has happened since turning thirty a few years ago, but I wanted to speak about the importance of knowing what you want in the bedroom, and making it clear to your partner.
Fantasise
I am not ashamed to admit that I watch and read porn. It isn’t just for men, and it allows me to understand and explore what excites me and turns me on. I prefer to read than watch generally, and I have also written my own erotic fiction before as well, and shared this with partners too. This form of writing is something I definitely want to explore more in future. Fantasies don’t have to be something you try out in real life, there are some of mine which I definitely wouldn’t want to really happen, but they are important to your overall sexuality.
Experiment
I’m not saying go out there and have a threesome, but definitely don’t be afraid to experiment in the bedroom (or outside of it). How will you know if you like something if you have never given it a go? If you are in a safe, consensual relationship, what is there to lose with giving something new a try? You might just realise something about yourself that you never knew before. It is incredibly freeing to discover a kink that you didn’t know you had, and being able to experiment with it, to push those boundaries, can be really fun!
Explore
I have worked with a few adult toy and lingerie brands and I will continue to do so as I think it is so good to explore in the bedroom, both alone and with a partner. Exploring your body and your turn ons with the aid of toys and accessories makes things more interesting and is a great way to enhance your sex life. I was recently sent a new toy and have had a lot of fun trialing it!
Liase
If you are in a relationship, make sure you communicate your needs. Trust me, by staying quiet or by faking it, you are not helping either of you. It can be easy, especially as a woman, to just go along with what your partner likes, but speaking up and sharing what turns you on can be amazing. Imagine trying out the fantasises you’ve had but never shared before, with the person you love – incredible right?
Knowing what you want in bed is not ‘slutty’, it shouldn’t be taboo and it is something I will not stop shouting about because it has taken me a decade to really understand my own desires and it’s a game changer, let me tell you! So get yourself a quiet moment and really take time to explore what you want in bed!
