An Open Letter to my Daughter’s Stepmum 

I’m writing this letter because we’re not yet at the stage where we can sit down and have a proper conversation. In all honesty I think we’ve probably only ever spoken for around 2 minutes at a time, and even that was awkward and a little strained. 

It’s not that I don’t like you, I’m sure I would if we got to know each other. Had we met under different circumstances I figure we might have been friends, after all, we do have babies only a week apart in age. 
I guess the situation is one neither of us really saw ourselves being in and now we are making the best out of things and ultimately doing what is best for Carly. She’s the reason I’m writing this letter today.


Carly is my only daughter, she’s my little mini me, she’s my world. When her dad and I split up, the first thing I worried about was not seeing her everyday, not being able to have her all to myself anymore. 

I dreaded sharing her. I didn’t like the idea of anyone else becoming a part of her life and I was terrified that the next person in her dad’s life wouldn’t live up to my expectations, wouldn’t be good enough for our Carly bear. 

I’ve only met you a handful of times but I’ve heard a lot about you from Carly. I know that you play I spy on car journeys with her, I know that you have some serious skills when it comes to doing her hair (I mean, I’m having to YouTube hair tutorials to try and keep up). 

I know that you’ve sat with her when she’s had troubles on the toilet (I won’t go into any further details, but I know it isn’t an easy or fun task) and I know you’re there for her with ‘group hugs’ when I can’t be. 

I know that she has started tentatively calling you mummy and despite everything I thought beforehand, I’m ok with that. 

Probably my biggest fear when her dad and I split was that I would one day be replaced, that she would no longer need me. But that isn’t what’s happened. I haven’t lost her, but she has gained something. She’s gained another person in her life to love her, to show her the way, to be there for her. 

I used to worry about the woman who would become her second mum. I used to panic about time spent apart from my little girl. Now when she goes off to nursery at the end of the week I know you will pick her up and she will be happy and cared for until she’s back with us again. Yes, her dad is there too, but as she grows up, I’m glad she will have a female figure when I can’t be around. 

Thank you for everything you do for Carly. I hope that one day things will be less awkward between us, but until that day I’m happy just knowing that Carly is happy with you as her stepmum. 

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19 thoughts on “An Open Letter to my Daughter’s Stepmum 

  1. You are a fantastic woman for writing this letter. Clearly it has come from the heart and instantly shows your readers what a great Mum you are for making the best life for your little Carly.
    I am sure your Daughter’s step mum will appreciate the thanks you have shown her through your words and I hope one-day things will be less awkward.

    I, myself am a step mum and have never had an ounce of appreciation or kindness shown from my Husbands ex partner. There is no reason for us not to get along and i treat my Step Daughter like she is my own xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I would like to reiterate everything in the above comment. A truly lovely open letter. My partner’s ex doesn’t even acknowledge I exist in her daughter’s world (not due to not liking me, just due to her not caring as long as im doing right by her daughter).Thankfully I don’t need her approval to know i’m doing a good job but I would love for the three of us to be able to sit down together to discuss any issues / concerns with Erin. As a stepmum I would feel honoured to receive a letter like your post.

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  2. This is truly lovely, hard but great to read. My daughter and her father also are not together and I’m dreading that day he has a partner and feel that I’ve been replaced. I must try to remember it’s not about me but our little chai-chi. Thank you for sharing this story when I needed it most x

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  3. This is such a lovely post. I’m a stepmum myself and feel very unappreciated most of the time. I understand how hard it must be for mum but people often forget that us step parents have our own struggles and hardships too. It’s comforting to read that you see it in a different light to most parents and even though it’s hard for you, you see the good for your daughters sake.
    I’ve recently started my own blog about being a stepmum http://www.stepmum.blog

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  4. This is an amazing post, its so refreshing to read from a mum who understands the viewpoint of a stepmum and the motivation which is to love and care for your child.
    Hopefully one day you will get to the point in your relationship where you would be happy to share this with her – As an unofficial stepmum I would be beyond delighted to read something like this from my little monsters mum.x

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